Buried deep within
by Linneagb
Summary: When Burt and Carole signed up for fostering, they weren't sure of what to expect- but what they were least expecting was the fact that they'd need thirteen year old Cai just as much- if not more than what she needs them. A/N: English is not my first language.
1. Caitlin

"CAITLIN" I hear him shout. "Don't try hiding you know I will find you and when I do you know you'll be in so much trouble." He waits a couple of minutes. I'm crouching in a coffin under the stairs, hiding from him.

I can hear his steps coming closer, hear him walking upstairs right over my head. I'm holding my breath- and praying to God that he won't find me. Oh dear God, please have mercy this time. I know I'm bad, and stupid and ugly, but even bad, stupid and ugly people needs to have a break from their problems a bit now and then.

My prayers seem to be heard this time, as I hear him continue upstairs, and through the hallway, further away from me. I breathe out, then I hear him stop- Oh no- he heard my breaths, no, now I can hear his going further down the hall again- and this time I make sure I don't breathe to loudly.

I pull my arms closer around me- it's March month- and the winter is taking its last few breaths over the town of Lima in Ohio- I am trying to make myself more comfortable- warmer. My thin- once red shirt isn't doing much good. I know without looking that the color of my hands, and lower arms are shifting in red, by the fact that I'm freezing cold- and I know that my nails are more blue than red- I know it- they always are.

My name is Caitlin Romero- Caitlin July Romero is my full name. That and that my birthday is the fourth of July- is pretty much all I know about myself- Except I know my parents gave me up when I was a few days old- laid me in a basket and left it with me in- to float on the Lima river with only a letter with my name and birthday- sounds like a story I know- When I was little- people at Kindergarten and school used to refer it to that story in the bible- but this is no story. It's harsh reality- and I am living it.

Someone found me there in the basket- someone told me I was screaming and someone that heard it threw himself in the river to swim out for the basket- then the social services sent me from one foster- home to another- over and over and over again for ten years- then, when I was ten- I ran away from the last one. The man that's now coming downstairs again found me- told me he would help me- but if that's what he does- I don't like the way he's doing it.

I've lived in this for three years now, three and a half to be more exact, the man- I'm sorry- but if I told anyone it was him he'd kill me- so let's just call him Toby- that's not a unique name- so even if it was his name- you could never find him with just knowing that.

Toby told me he would help me- take me to a real mum and dad that would love me and care for me like real parents should- instead he took me to this house- where it's just me and him- and I haven't been out since then. Except for "rides with the car" when I've been bad, and that happens pretty often.

In the beginning- I could hear my name as the man we call Toby was looking at the news- "Caitlin July Romero have gone missing from her home on Friday night. Caitlin is ten years old but very short for her age- very skinny- have got dark- blonde hair and blue eyes." Ha! If they had said what was true- then it would have sounded more like "Caitlin July Romero have gone missing from another lousy foster- home on Friday night- Caitlin is ten but looks like eight- and she looks like a walking skeleton with skin, clothes and eyes- her hair is messy and her eyes are so empty- not even the world's best poet could write something about it" which version you like to believe- is up to you- but it's been a long while since I was mentioned on the news- or anywhere else for that thing's sake.

"CAITLIN JULY ROMERO." I hear Toby shout for at least the tenth time- I know he's angry now- really cross- he'll go ballistic when he finds me. How can I know? Well- during those short whiles when he actually isn't cross with me- he calls me Cai- Cait or Caitie- if he's angry- he says Caitlin- and when he's really angry- he uses my full name. Scratch that first by the way- he never really uses any of those- even when he's not angry- he mostly refers to me as "kid" or his very favorite "brat."- I was in earlier foster- homes they used Cai, Cait, or Caitie. And again- either one you choose- is fine with me.

A shiver goes through my body- I'm cold- this coffin's dusty- and I don't know for how long I can go without sneezing anymore. But I gotta hold on- if I sneeze he'll find me- and if he finds me- God let him be drunk enough to fall asleep soon.

"Caitlin, if you haven't come out when I've counted to three I will take you to the car… one… " I hesitate- not again- please have mercy this time- please I didn't try to be bad… I almost put my hands on coffin's ceiling, and open it- but I stop when the thought hits me- that he'll take me to the car anyway, and I lower my hands again. "…two…" I force myself to breathe slowly- either way- I'm going to be in big trouble when he finds me. "… three… CAITLIN YOU BRAT." He kicks the coffin I'm laying- feels it's heavier than usual- then opens the lock. I'm holding my breath, and turns my head so I'm holding my face into the bottom of the empty coffin. Just to save a few seconds- a few more seconds before I have to meet those cold, evil grey- brown eyes.

I can hear Toby breathing into my ear- can feel the smell of alcohol and after- shave. But Toby doesn't say a word, he grabs my shirt- lifts me up and pull me with him to his car.

"NO TOBY." I scream- but we live in a cabin in the middle of a big forest- no one can hear me scream. "NO TOBY NO TOBY NO TOBY." I try to push him away- loosen myself from his grip- but he only grips harder. Then throws me on the floor in the backseat, and starts driving.

I get car- sick, and I have to use all my willpower to fight the urge to throw up- I know what's coming, wish that he'd never stop- if he never stop- then he won't hurt me- in a way that's too gruesome to mention.

He eventually stops the car- we have been riding the car for two hours, and the clock in the front tells me it's eleven P.M. It's dark outside- there's no street- lights. Toby takes his seatbelt off and climb back to me, he's already pulled his jeans down, and he does the same with my pair of sweat pants. He starts putting his hands on me-under my shirt, on my neck and face and then it's time- and it hurts so much.

It feels like hours before he's done, then finally lets go of me, and climbs out of the car. He leaves me there on the floor. After he's gone- I turn my head to see on the clock that reads 12: 03, it's three minutes past midnight.

I wait for half an hour, an hour, but Toby still isn't coming back, I know it can be up to two days before he come back- that's how long he's left me for once before- and he wasn't half as cross with me then as he was this time.

After some while I pull myself up to look out the window- it's still pitch dark outside. Out there there's a whole world- and I question myself if I'm ever coming out to see it again, as I lay back down.

Is it worth taking the risk? If Toby finds me again then he'll kill me!

When it's just over six in the morning- 6:19 to be more exact, I- Caitlyn July Romero- thirteen years old- decide that it's worth taking a risk- it's not like I've got anything to lose- so quietly, I climb out of the car and start running through the trees.

Maybe, if I just keep running fast and long enough- I will find something or someone- what I am looking for I'm not so sure- but I know one thing- I need to get away from Toby. Even though it will cost me my life if he finds me again.

**So, that's the prologue. What you think? **

**Listen here, this story is written with quite more mature stuff than I usually write about. I have rated it- and if you choose not to respect that it's your choice- I can only say that if you're under a certain age- please do not read- and if you don't like this- do not read it. **

**English is not my first language- and I didn't have no internet- therefore no Google translate for writing this **


	2. Carole

**Carole POV **

I am walking up the stairs to the house I share with my husband Burt- it's empty- so empty. No shouts and sound from video- games Finn used to play- no sounds from the kitchen as there always was when Finn made himself another sandwich- I remember it sometimes made me crazy- it all did- now I would give anything- I'd stand it if I could have him here just one more time. Just a little while to hug him again- tell him how incredibly much I love him and how much I miss him. My little Finny.

It's been eight months, two thirds of a year since it happened- this is the part where the ones who weren't as close to him as me are starting to let go- starting to move on- but I can't. I can't just let go and move on- I am his mother- closer than anyone else could have ever been.

I collapse there, on the hallway floor. I pull my knees up and put my head in my hands- shaking of loud sobs- the door opens- this isn't the first time Burt's found me like this when he comes home from work, I hear him put his bag next to me, then he kneels down by me and pulls me into his warm hug. He holds me close to his chest, strokes my back and hushes all the while I'm sobbing.

I love him so much- Burt, and he's been the best support I could ever had wished for since I got that call. But still- I can't help to wish with every bit of me that it was Finn who sat there by me, as I curl up his checkered shirt in my fists and hold on to him as if my life was depending on it.

"Sch." Burt hushes and keeps on stroking my back. "Sch, deep breaths love." I'm not sure for how long we're sitting like that, but I eventually pull myself together and calm down, Burt helps me stand up and with his arm around my shoulders we walk out in the kitchen. I sit down on one of the chairs- and after a couple of minutes Burt places a cup of tea on the table in front of me.

"You sure you want to do this?" He asks, sits down next to me- his palm still resting on my back. I nod, I want to do this, I can do this- I need to do this.

I was just another one of all of those casual mentions by the kitchen table. Mrs. Puckerman was away, and Noah and his little sister came over to eat dinner with us- as so many afternoons after my Finn died. I had kind of told everyone of Finn's friends that if they'd ever need dinner or a place to sleep or anything like that, they could always come here- it was hard telling them all that- but I knew that's what my Finn would have wanted. He was always so helpful.

On one of all of those dinners with me, Burt and The young Puckermans- Sarah had mentioned just passing by that I and Burt had too much of good parents in us to just leave it all to waste- so if I wasn't going to have my son ever again- and Kurt lives far away most part of the year-then why not help a child who can't have hers or his parents. It was just another casual mention- Noah had banned on the eleven year old for saying it when I broke down again- I never thought I would be able to even look at a child again now when Finn were gone- but the more I thought about it- the better the idea seemed to be- and I had eventually brought it up with Burt.

Today is the day an administrator from the social services is coming home to me and Burt to ask questions about who we are and all the hundreds of questions to ask us before we can sign up for fostering. And for every step closer we're getting to fostering, the more real it's feeling- but that isn't the only feeling. In one way I'm also feeling as if I'm letting Finn down, letting another child into my home and heart.

"I'm gonna go change before the administrator gets here." I mumble and stand up- tea- cup still untouched in front of me, as I slowly make my way through the kitchen, the living room and up the stairs. I sit down on my edge of the bed and reach for the photo of me and Finn on my bedside table. The photo was shot right after Finn's graduation from McKinley, and he stood behind me, with his hands on my shoulders. I sigh deeply. "I wish you were here Finny" I almost whisper. "I need you so badly."

I sit like that for a while, not crying, not speaking, actually not doing anything but looking at the photo. At last- when I realize it is only a few minutes until the social worker arrive, I put the photo back at the table, and pick out clothes for the evening.

When I come downstairs Burt is standing with the social worker in the living room. "And this is my wife Carole." Burt tells the young woman- probably around twenty- five, and not dressed as proper as I had imagined. She's standing about five foot ten in jeans, a white button- up grey hoodie and sneakers, with a backpack hanging on one shoulder.

"Hi I'm Ellie Mohr." She introduces herself and reaches her hand towards me. "Please call me Ellie." I take her hand and introduce myself. We move on to the kitchen, sit down and start talking, Ellie has got loads of questions, loads of papers we're going to sign and a hundred of other things. At last she pulls her papers together in a pile and stand up.

"I would also like to go see through your house or how to say it- and I would like to do that by myself- I'll call if I have got any questions." We nod and Ellie first looks through the kitchen, she stops by the wall by the living room door and look at all the photos we've got hanging there.

"Who is this?" she points, Burt and I stand up and walks over to see her pointing to a photo of Kurt and Blaine. Burt answers her- then questions if Kurt being homosexual will interfere anything with the fostering.

"If I was in charge it wouldn't." Ellie smiles a bit. "My little brother Cory is as gay as can be and I'm just a very proud sister but- it might. I'll do my best for it not interfering anything but I can't promise it won't… and who's this?" She points to a photo of Finn. I clear my throat.

"That… that's my son Finn." I pray to God there won't be further questions about Finn. "And what does he do for a living?" I sigh when I hear the question, then nod to Burt to say that I will answer myself. "He… he died in April."

"Oh I'm so sorry." Ellie exclaims. "I'm sorry I didn't…" I wave it off, there was no way she could have known. Ellie nods again and moves on to the living room- when the door's closed behind Ellie I bury my face in Burt's shirt- pull in the well- known smell of oil and after- shave.

When something big happens- things you can't control or undo. You start holding on to the small things, things that seem like nothing to everyone else. What won't change- it's what can calm you down even when things are at their hardest- breathing in Burt's so special smell calms me down- that and that I don't want to break down with Ellie still here. When I hear the steps down the stairs again I stretch out again and by the time Ellie comes into the kitchen I and Burt are sitting on each chair.

"Everything looks just fine." Ellie smile, and pick her backpack up from the kitchen floor. "I'll be in touch but as you probably know it might take months before we find a child that could suit you- and if you want to do stuff like paint the room the child'll have, or buy stuff or anything- I would wait with that until you know the child you're getting because, it can be a toddler boy, a teenage girl and everything in between… also when you know which child, it may take weeks before she or he moves in here so… no rush okay." We nod again. "Then… we're done here. Have a good evening goodbye." Ellie walks out the door, I sigh and walk up the stairs to do some thinking.

The rest of December pass by- Christmas comes and goes but it just ain't fun without my Finn- everywhere I turn there are things reminding me of Finn worse than ever- and even though both Kurt and Blaine are celebrating with us- I can't find anything fun. January comes and goes with Burt's birthday, February as well with Valentine's day, at last, March the Twentieth, Burt's cellphone starts calling just as we're on our way to go to bed for the night.

"Hummel!" he answers, and then he stops in the middle of a movement and his eyes grow wide. He puts on the loudspeaker and I walk over to sit next to him.

"You might remember a child that was on the news about three years ago, she's been found and is in need of an emergency placement. We've called our usual emergencies but they are all full." I look to Burt for a split second, and at on the exact same time we both nod.

"We'll take her."

"It will just be temporary, maybe for a couple of months at the most. Her name is Caitlin July Romero, she's born July the fourth 2000. And I will have to bring her over tomorrow- early afternoon, maybe one, two P.M." I and Burt look to each other again.

"That'll be fine thank you." I answer. Ellie hangs up on us soon but I still have a feeling there' something she isn't telling us. But thirteen year old girl found after being missing for three years. Who and what could it be?

"We were going to make the storage- room into a bedroom for her right?" Burt says and interrupts my thoughts. I nod. "Look like there won't be much sleep for us tonight." Burt pulls on his shirt again and walks out of the room, I follow into the room that's further down the hall. This room has four bedrooms, mine and Burt's, furthest down the hall on the left after coming up the stairs, Kurt (and also Blaine's when he's here- even if Burt doesn't like it too much) on the opposite side of the hall of ours, Finn's right to the right after coming up the stairs and then the storage room- who we actually thought was going to be a guest- room when we moved here- wall- in- wall with Finn's room.

Burt opens the door to the storage rooms, steps in and sighs at the sight. There is a bed in there, a wardrobe, a bedside table and a lamp. But there are cartons with all kind of stuff a bit of everywhere- and we need to sort this out before Caitlin gets here tomorrow.

"How about…" Burt begins. "If we like… try to sort things in the boxes a bit more- clothes in one- books in one etc. Then we can put them all in Kurt's room- we'll go through it eventually and then we'll put what we want to keep up in the attic- and the rest I will take to the Red Cross or the dumpster." I nod, and open one of the boxes- this just happens to be a carton filled with stuff from when Finn was about five to ten years old.

There are all kind of stuff in the box, toy- cars, stuffed animals, clothes, books I always used to read Finn at night. I sigh, and bite my lip- so little time- I gotta pull myself together and get this over with. Burt offers to take the boxes with Finn's stuff, but I just shake my head and sort everything before carrying a big box with clothes to Kurt's room, and then walk back to deal with the rest.

At last, at about three in the morning, I and Burt almost fall in bed- to sleep for four hours and then wake up to tidy the room and set it ready for Caitlin.

At a quarter to two the next day I and Burt are standing in the kitchen and see Ellie's car pull up in the driveway. Out steps Ellie- and she walks around to the passenger side- and seem to talk someone we can't see into stepping out of the car, at last Ellie takes a step back and out from the car steps the thirteen year old. She looks around, even though she's dressed in a sweat shirt and baggy- jeans I can see she is skinny like she is just skin and bones, she's too short for her age, and her hair is dark- blonde and slightly curly. Even from where I'm standing I can see that she haven't been given a bath or a shower in God knows how long, as she walks up the driveway after Ellie. I take a deep breath, Burt takes my hand and then we walk out to the hallway too meet Caitlin.

**So, I'm sure I get some things about the social services and the fostering wrong, this is because 1: My parents are the best and 2: America is on the other side of the world. So, I just do it to suit the storylines. **

**Writing the beginning almost had me in tears. :'( And I swear Cory Mohr (yep, he's named after Cory Monteith) will come up further into the story**


	3. A girl called Cai

**Mum: Yes of course it is, I knew you'd read it. That's why I put that note there, love you **

**Caitlin POV**

I just glare up at the social worker- Ella or whatever her name is when she's trying to get me to come out of the car. Sure! Well why don't you just get out of the way then so I can run away again- instead of you putting me in another lousy foster- home. I shake my head, then look around in the car. It is a lot smaller than what Toby's is.

Toby! I wonder if he has gone back to the car yet. I wonder if he's found it empty- where is he? Is he looking for me? What is he planning to do if he finds me? If I run away again, will we run into each other so I'm stuck with him again? Will I be safe in this house? This is a car… the social worker's car- cars are where the worse things happens. But because my social worker's stopped the car now- she wouldn't do anything like that- and she's on her way on letting me out- so she wouldn't? Would she? The questions are spinning in my head, but at last I turn around and jump out of the car. '

I'm walking behind me social worker- all the time ready to turn around and run if it turns out that my social worker is a bad person. But she never turns around to grab me or anything, as she walks up a few steps to the big house in front of me. A bald man- perhaps in his late middle- ages opened the door.

"Hello Ellie… hello Caitlin." He says and moves so Ellie can step over the threshold. I stay on the step, Ellie- oh that's her name- now I remember. She turns around towards me. "It's okay Caitie. No one's going to hurt you here." She says, I just stay at the step, my arms crossed over my chest and glaring over the others. First Ellie- then the man, and at last to the woman, the man's got his arm around a woman with reddish brown hair. She loosens himself from the man's arm and takes a couple of steps towards me, lifting her hand.

Without thinking any further my hands shoots up as I push the woman backwards shouting. "NO" The woman stumbles backwards and is on her way on falling when the man catches her. She stands up and they both look frowning at me. I feel myself slowly making my way backwards- oh no- Now I've really done it- They will be so mad. I look around, the door is closed, there is nowhere to run, as I press myself up against the wall.

**Burt POV **

"NO." Caitlin pushes Carole backwards, and I barely have the time to catch her when she falls. When Carole is standing on her own two feet, the child is pressing herself up against the wall- looking frightened at us two. I take a step towards her- in an attempt to calm her down, I put my hand up.

"Please don't hurt me." The girl screech. "Please don't hurt me- I'm sorry madam. I'm so, so, sorry. Please don't hurt me." I lower my hand, obviously- when I rose it- Caitlin thought that I was going to slap her.

"It's okay." I say in an attempt to comfort the child. "I've never hurt a child- neither has my wife, and we're not going to start now… I promise." I hear Ellie explain to Carole that Caitlin can't stand to be touched. I ask Caitlin if she'd like to see her room.

"Are you going to lock me in there?" she asks, in barely more than a whisper. I swallow- what on earth have this child been through- missing for three and a half years? What's happened since then? I shake my head, and hear myself saying- that of course we won't lock her in. Slowly, Caitlin takes one step forward, her shoulders are pulled up towards her ears, and slowly she's making her way past me- as far away as possible from any of us others, there is an almost awkward silence over the house as Caitlin stops and looks around the living room. Eventually, I walk over to her, kneel down a bit to reach her height and smiles.

"So… should we go upstairs and check out your room?" Caitlin hesitates, then slightly nods. I stand up, and lead her up the stairs and to the right in the hallway. I open the room to what was the storage- room until earlier today, and hit the lamp- button, nothing happens. I try again- nothing, the lamp isn't working. I sigh, then turn to Caitlin and smile.

"The lamp in the ceiling here doesn't seem to be working, I'll go see if I can find another lamp to put in here until I've fixed it." I leave the room, in Kurt's room I find a lamp, which I take to Caitlin's room. I turn it on. "Well that's better." I clap my hands together, Caitlin flinch at the sound.

"Burt?" I hear Carole's voice from downstairs. "Can you come downstairs for a minute?" I nod, make sure that Caitlin is okay, and then walk downstairs, I find Carole and Ellie in the living room, Ellie explains that she is in a rush- but still have to tell us a few things about the child that we're fostering.

"Her full name is Caitlin July Romero, she's thirteen, fourteen the fourth of July… She… She was in foster- care and was sent from one foster- home to another all the first ten years of her life- as a new- born she was left in a basket floating on the river." I hear Carole gasp- I know what she's thinking. How can anyone do that to a child? "She… went missing after running away from a foster- home in October three and a half years ago. About two A.M. yesterday, she came running into a gas- station, where she collapsed and was brought into the hospital- where one of the nurses recognized her from the pictures on the news… We have her old files here." Ellie hands us a folder. "But… only from what we can see of these three last years, she's showing clear signs of have getting severely abused and raped, she have barely spoken a word to a doctor, to me or to the police- if she knows anything about the man or woman who hurt her she's not telling us. We… this house will only be a temporary home for her until we have a free place in one of our more… usual foster- families- who's been dealing with this before." I nod, but I already feel a strange- undeniable connection to the child upstairs- and hope that this permanent solution will not be here too soon.

"Her silence makes it impossible to do most of our tests." Ellie continues. "But we know she went to school before she was kidnapped, she have not been to a school during the last three years though. Not as we can tell at least… and… well… we managed to get her to change clothes, we tried to get her to shower as well but she refused and we eventually gave up… her only belongings are the clothes she's wearing now." I bite my lip- what on earth has happened to this girl, where has she been and what is the reason for her to act like she's doing now? A part of me want the answer- but a big part doesn't.

There seem to be a thousand other things to go through, and a hundred more folders before we are done and wave of Ellie- with the promise that she'll call back in some while.

**Caitlin POV**

I sit on the floor in the room the man claimed to be mine, my back is leaned against the wall, my arms around my legs and my chin resting against my knees. I hear the adults talking downstairs- but I can't hear what they are saying, then I hear steps in the stairs coming up and then a knock on the already slightly open door.

"Hey Caitlin," the couple from downstairs come into the room. I flinch hearing my full name- and again thoughts are spinning in my head- What have I done? Should I know what I have done? Are they going to hurt me?

"Have I done something wrong?" I ask eventually- barely more than a whisper- oh no- now I spoke too quietly again and they are going to get mad because of that- because they can't hear what I'm saying- or did they… "No." The woman answers. "Why would you think that?" I hesitate for a split second, then, in a bit louder voice- but still very quiet I say that no one calls me Caitlin if I haven't done anything bad.

"What do we call you when you haven't done anything bad?" The man asks. I answer him Cai, Cait or Caitie. "Well Cai," he answers." I can promise you that you haven't done anything bad." I nod. "But we were thinking, obviously, we need to buy a new bulb or three for that lamp in your room. Then we need to do some grocery- shopping and we'll need to eat dinner so we were thinking… that we'd leave in an hour or something, eat dinner at McDonald's, then do the shopping. Does that sound good?"

"Yes sir." I answer him, he smiles again. I'm used to the smile that Toby has- a smirk that never gets as far as to his eyes. But when this man smiles at me- it's a whole other kind of smile- and it gets all the way to his eyes- I shake the thoughts of me- I can't trust him just by the look of a smile- I can't trust anyone but myself. "Please just call me Burt." I hear him say. So that's his name- phew- okay now I only have to find out a way of how to find out the woman's name- I'd probably be in trouble if they knew that I hadn't been able to remember their names after Ellie told me yesterday.

One hour and a half later we leave the house, I'm sat in the back- seat of the car, but I don't complain- I can't complain, as I pull myself up towards the inside of the door as possible. I can see that both Burt and his wife- I haven't been able to figure out her name yet- are looking at me in the rearview mirror. Why are they doing that? Are they making sure that I'm not causing any trouble? That I'm still there for them doing something bad? It feels like hours before Burt pull up and parks in a parking lot in front of a supermarket with McDonald's by it.

The food tastes alright, but just chewing on a French fry, a memory of the taste pops up in my head.

**Flashback**

I'm nine years old and in third grade, there is a McDonald's right near by the school, we're actually not allowed to eat there on school- days, but I managed to buy myself a meal anyway, as I sit down on the benches behind the gym and unwrap the paper to eat the burger, and put a French fry in my mouth, right then two of the boys from the Junior high nearby comes walking. I know them- their names are Ryan and Michael Scott- they're twins- but identical- and they just won't leave me alone.

"Ey Caitlin." Michael shouted. "Breaking the rules are we?"

"Get lost." I fizzled.

"Nah Romero, we're not leaving." Ryan held his hand out. "Come on… you know you're breaking the rules-give it to us." I just glared at him, and kept on chewing on my French fries, Michael hit it out of my lap, and all the food landed on the asphalt down below, without thinking any further, I kick Michael as hard as I can in the first place I could reach- I just happen to knee him right in the groin, then he falls, and first shouting- then moaning swearing words. Ryan takes a grip of my shirt, but let go- and they both run for their lives when we hear a teacher- I meant to do so too, but Ryan pushed me to the ground, and when I'm up on my feet- she's already seen me- and I'm sent to the principal- for a McDonald's meal- well- that's how things work out when the teachers hate you.

I never had the chance to explain- but if I had had it- I'm not sure I had told them that that McDonald's meal was my first real meal in three days- and that I wouldn't eat in the school cafeteria- because there people would throw their food at me- put their legs out so I'd trip- and then laugh when I stand up- with food all over my shirt.

**End of flashback **

"Cai? Cai?... Caitlin?" The voices of Burt and his wife wakes me up from my thoughts, and I'm brought back to reality- with a half- eaten McDonald's meal in front of me. "What are you thinking about? You looked to be so far away!" The woman says, I just shrug and then keep on eating.

The shopping is thankfully done without any further dramas- but not with much else either, Burt or his wife hold up something they think I like, ask me about it, I shrug, and they decide either to put it back in the shelf or buy it.

No, the drama begin on the way home, when I as usual feel my stomach lurch with the movement of the car- this always happen- but most of the time I haven't eaten anything before I got in the car- so isn't the case today- and I feel more and more nauseous. I try to decide whether I should tell it to the two in the front or not- I would like to- to get out of the car- and get some fresh air- keep still for a moment and I'd feel better. But I can't… they probably want to come home as soon as possible- I can manage not to vomit until then… can I? I press my forehead against the cool window, in an attempt to… well… feel better. But it doesn't help much- and Burt and his wife are starting to notice something isn't right.

"You okay kiddo?" Burt ask, I nod, but they both know I'm lying. "Want me to pull over?" I shrug, then shake my head. "Are you sure?" I hear a female voice. I haven't even had the time to answer before there's a sharp turn in the road- and the sudden tossing causes me to be sick all over myself- and the car- floor.

I am only vaguely aware of the others reactions, I want to say I'm sorry but I don't dare to open my mouth again, as Burt pulls over to the side of the road, and he's barely had the time to stop before I've opened the door and more fall than step outside, I fall to my knees, still gagging.

"I'm sorry mister." I manage to croak when the gagging finally is over. "I'm sorry… I'll clean it."

"Hush sweetie." I hear Burt's wife's voice. "Never apologize for being sick." I use the sleeve of the hoodie I'm wearing to stroke away a couple of tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. I can't show them I'm crying, they're gonna be even more mad at me if they see it.

"I'm sorry madam. I'm really s- sorry." For the first time, I look up and meet the woman's eyes. They're green- and kind- so like her husband's. I shake the thought of- can't trust her, can't trust him- can't trust anyone.

**Carole POV**

"Here you go." Burt hands Cai a bottle of cola- it will do to wash her mouth- and calm her stomach down. Cai struggles with the lock, and I lift my hands. "Want some help?" Cai reaches me the bottle- I open it and hand it back to her. "Are you feeling better?" She nods- barely noticeable. "Would you like to sit in the front? Then you can watch the road and that'll probably help you." She shrugs. Then she looks back to the car, where Burt is doing his best to clean the floor.

"It's in the back- seat the bad things happen." Cai says shyly. But she says it in a voice of someone who's not really knowing she's actually saying something. Bad things? What bad things? Did someone… I can't even think of it… what is it? What terrible things have this little girl seen- and even worse- been through to be where she is today.

"Come on." I lead her around the car and hold the door to the passenger side of the car open. The thoughts- the questions are spinning in my head. But I know we can't ask. We can't press her to tell us anything. We will have to wait.

When we're home, I climb up to the attic- find some of old Kurt's old clothes for Cai to wear- I ask her if she wants to shower, but she just shakes her head- and I know I shouldn't press her to do anything. So I just hand her the clothes, and start to put the groceries in the fridge.

Cai comes out from the bathroom again- I take the clothes to the basement to put them in the laundry. When I come up to the living room again, Cai sits in one of the sofas- looking out the window. The neighbor's twin girls- Molly and Maya are playing in the garden. And Cai looks at them with a slight longingly gaze in her eyes.

She stays like that- doesn't react or respond to everything, she just looks out the window. The twins' parents come out and play with them. Cai looks even more longingly- but that gaze is gone as soon as it came.

Cai also stays like that when there's nothing really to look at- when there's dark outside- Burt goes to bed just before midnight- but I don't want Cai to be up all alone, at last- by three in the morning, she falls asleep curled up in a ball in the corner of the sofa. I don't want to carry her to the bed- it would only wake her up and scare her, so I get the pillow and covers from the bed upstairs, tuck the quilt around the bony figure of a girl, and lift her head to place the pillow under it.

I and Burt agreed on the fact that she'd come to me with my job- I've got colleagues who knows more about fostering children and other things that Cai's been through- whatever it is, than what I and Burt do. It will be alright, we'll manage- tomorrow I will also take her out to get some more proper clothes- Do everything that I would have done with any child.

But Cai isn't any child, I know already now that Cai's got darker and deeper secrets than any of us can ever imagine.


	4. We gotta

_He's chasing me, Toby's after me and there is nowhere to hide. I'm running through a forest, Toby's getting so close I can almost feel his breaths on my neck. I jump over roots, zigzag between trees, I do all I can to shake him off, but I can still hear him behind me. I want to turn my head to see how far away he is, but I don't dare to turn around- he will catch me. _

_Suddenly I stumble over a root I couldn't see, I can hear Toby coming closer, he grabs me…_

My eyes shoot open and I sit up, a quilt fall of me. I'm sitting in a sofa, where is this? What is this house? Where am I? I sit up breathing heavily when I hear someone move upstairs, then it all comes back to me. Burt and his wife, Ellie, Toby…

I'm soaking wet- mostly of sweat- but also…. Oh no! Not again! Oh Burt and his wife will be so mad, they'll hurt me… when I hear someone walking over the floor above me, I shoot up of the sofa, and run down to the basement, trying to find somewhere to hide.

**Burt POV **

I wake up- from the fact that I'm thirsty. Oh God- when will I learn not to eat salt crackers right before I go to bed? I push myself out of the bed and walk downstairs. Cai's quilt and pillow are laying in the sofa in the living room. I just shrug and assume that she fell asleep down here, but on my way through the door to the kitchen, I suddenly realize something.

Where's Cai? Either she fell asleep in the sofa or not, she isn't there, I check the bathroom first- no one there, then I half- run upstairs and quietly open the door to her room- nope- Cai isn't there either- now I completely don't give a damn if I wake someone up, as I run back to my and Carole's bedroom and shakes my wife's shoulder.

"Carole, honey wake up" She just groans, and turns around. "Carole Caitlin's gone."

"No she's sleeping in the living room."

"No Cai's not in the living room, not in the bathroom nor in her bedroom." Carole's eyes shoots open. "What? Where is she then?"

"I don't know but we got to find her." Carole stands up, I run down to the first floor, check the kitchen again, the living room, the bathroom. Carole runs through the second floor all the time with our shouts echoing through the house.

"Cai, Caitlin, Cai where are you?" At last I and Carole meet in the middle of the floor of the living room.

"I can… the basement." I begin to speak when I suddenly spot the basement door being open. I walk down the stairs, with Carole right after me. "Caitlin," I say in a low, calm voice. "I know you're there. We're not…" I snort when a smell reach me… did she? I can see on Carole she can feel it, and she knows what it is.

"But she's thirteen." I whisper. She just smiles at me.

"It's completely normal for children with PTSD." I look around the room, she haven't crawled into the laundry machine has she? I hear someone sniveling- it comes from the laundry bag, so I walk over to it and lift of the towel. Yep- Cai sat crouched in it, looking terrified up at me.

"I'm sorry mister, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." She says in a tiny voice- almost whispering. I smile once again.

"It's okay Cai" I say softly. "Please don't hurt me." She begs me." Please it was an accident." I swallow, Cai has stopped begging me and now just looks up at me- panic in her eyes. God, whichever bastard caused this- if I ever meet him he'll be sorry he ever was born. I bite my lip, and curl up the fabric of my sweat pants in my fists. Cai notices, she whimpers, put her arms over her head and crouches even more.

I want to do something, want to say something, want to act in some way that will help this child to forget what she's been through, take away the pain and make her realize that me and Carole never would hurt her.

Carole gently push me out of her way she look down to Cai, say something. I hear her speaking, but my brain won't understand what she is saying. I can't take it in. I swallow, there was a big lump in my throat that don't want to go away- what on earth had happened to make this little girl so scared?

Cai eventually climb out of the laundry bag. The shirt that Cai was wearing i too big and she pull it down as long as possible in an attempt to cover. Carole must sense the embarrassment and kneel down next to the shaking girl, that was flushing and staring to the floor, avoiding to look at any of us.

"Cai…" Carole start. "It's okay, we're not mad. The clothes can be washed and it's perfectly normal. You've got nothing to be ashamed for. Come on… let's get you cleaned up." I move out of the way so Cai and Carole can pass me and go upstairs again.

"Burt honey." Carole turn around to talk to me. "Can you go see if you can find something else for her to wear? Some old sweat pants and a T- shirt or something." I nod, turn the lights off, and walk upstairs.

Finn's clothes is of course not an option, so is Kurt's- wouldn't be too comfortable to sleep with that kind of clothes, and he's brought all his PJ:s to New York with him. Left is mine, Carole and Blaine's- either way it will be way too big for her. I sigh, and walk into Kurt's room, I found a pair of sweat pants with band in the waist- Blaine's but they will do- he wouldn't mind, and one T- shirt- also Blaine's. Downstairs I hand the clothes to Carole, and then sit down by the kitchen table- the water I walked downstairs to get is long forgotten- despite the fact that my mouth and throat feels like the Sahara- desert.

I don't know how much time passed until the bathroom door was unlocked, and Carole and Cai stepped out. I can see that Cai have washed herself, though not showered, I can see that she's washed her hands, but over her wrists it's still dirty.

The big clothes makes Cai looks even smaller. The band in the sweat pants is pulled a whole lap around her waist, the short arms of the T-shirts goes down almost to her hands, but what I can see from her arms is not only muddy- but covered in bruises and cuts. I swallow again, force myself to stand up and walk out in the living room, where I lift up the quilt and pillow and walk after Cai and Carole upstairs and into Cai's room.

I give Cai the pillow- the quilt I give to Carole, she unfolds it and pull it over the tiny figure of a teenager. I stretch my arm out to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. But as soon as the room's dark, Cai pushes up herself on her elbows.

"Please sir. Can you leave that on?" I nod, turn the light on and tell her of course. I hear Carole ask her if she would like us to leave the door open, but Cai doesn't answer. Not until I'm walking out of the room after Carole, I can hear a tiny. "open please." I turn around to Cai, smile and leave the door a bit open.

After walking into the bedroom, I sit down on the edge, one glance at the clock tells me it is right after four A.M. But I'm not so sure I'll be able to go to sleep after this. I stare into the wall, but hear my wife sitting down next to me, and feel her hand on my back, as she begins to rub circles soothing.

"Are you okay honey?" I hear her ask, I nod slightly. Thoughts are spinning in my head too fast for me to catch them- but yeah. I'm okay- I could guess- loads more okay than what Cai will be.

"I wanna help her." I eventually managed to force myself to say. "I wanna help her so bad… I just don't know if I'm strong enough." Carole sigh, first look down, then look up at me again, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"I know honey." She tells me. "I can feel it too… But we gotta, for Caitlin. And…. I'm not telling you it will be easy, because it won't and I think the hardest is yet to come. But I'm telling you, that the day that Cai smile at you, or me, that kind of smile that is just so catching, when you can see in her eyes that she wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here, it will be worth it." Carole's voice is almost breaking.

"I know… and… I know that I'm going to fight for this kid. For her to get her rights, if it'll be my own death I'm gonna fight for her." Carole nods, as if she knows what I'm talking about, tears slowly streaming down her cheeks.

"I know… together." She takes my hand, squeeze it slightly and then leans against me. I put my empty hand in hers and then put my arm around her shoulders.

"Together."


	5. Will you hurt me?

"_Get back here ya' brat." Toby shouts as he's once again chasing me in that forest. "GET BACK. I WILL CATCH YOU AND YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU WERE BORN." Finally, I come out of the trees, I run into a gas- station and over to the cashier, he's standing with his back against me. I hear myself beg him to help me. But when he turns around I meet Toby's evil smile and brown- grey eyes. I turn around and run over to a customer, but again that too is Toby. Suddenly about twenty to thirty Toby are surrounding me. _I try to look for somewhere to get through the crowd and keep on running, but there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and I scream…

"Hush Sweetie. It's alright it's just a dream." I hear a woman's voice. "Sch, sch, sch. It's okay.

"_No, NO, NO." _

"_Now I've got you." _

"_NOOOOOOO" _

"NOOO" My eyes shoot open as I shoot up in sitting position in bed. I hyperventilate as I look around panicking, and spot the woman from yesterday and tonight sitting on the edge of my bed, and Burt standing in the doorway. Both of them are frowning.

"Sch." The woman holds up her hand, I pull away. What if she wants to hurt me? Is she going to slap me for waking them up? It looks as if though she just wants to calm me down, but I have to trust my instincts. Never trust her- never trust anybody.

"Sch." The woman comfort again. "It's okay. You're safe here." I push myself up so far up on the bed as possible and pull my legs up. I can't trust her. I can't trust anyone. When she say I am safe here she could just as well be lying- like Toby did.

"Do you want to talk about it- your dream?" The woman asks, but I just shake my head. "I'm sorry I woke you up." I mumble.

"Hush sweetie." The woman says. "It's okay. We were both supposed to be awake now anyways… Have you had anymore… accidents?" I shake my head. No, thank God not. Two in one night- I would have died of embarrassment. I hear Burt ask about if we should go and get some breakfast, I wait until the woman's stood up, and then crawl out of bed.

"So… what do you want for breakfast then?" Burt leans against the bench while speaking to me. "You like oatmeal?" I shrug, in fact- I think oatmeal's disgusting. But I can't tell him that. He'll get mad- call me ungrateful and then force me to eat it even if it makes me sick.

"Hey kiddo." Burt kneels down to reach my height. "If we ask you if you like anything…" I frown, and swallow. Oh no- he's mad. "It's okay I'm not mad." He says as if he could read my thoughts. "But if we ask you if you like or don't like anything, you can just answer us, yes or no. We wouldn't want to give you something that you don't like huh? And we won't get mad, I promise… now do you like oatmeal?" I hesitate for a moment, then I shake my head slightly.

"No!" I almost whisper.

"Do you like… eggs?" I hesitate for multiple seconds. Tell him… don't tell him… tell him…. But what if he forces me to eat them like Toby did once… ugh that rash…. Don't tell him… answer him no. The options are spinning in my head… but he didn't try to force me to eat oatmeal, so he wouldn't force me to eat eggs.

"No…" I almost whisper again. "I… I think I… I'm allergic to eggs." Burt just smiles softly at me.

"So no oatmeal, no eggs… check… do you like toast?" I hesitate before slightly nodding. "Yes sir, I like toast." He stands up.

"That wasn't so scary was it kiddo… and you just call me by my first name okay… and you do that to that beautiful woman that I have never seen before over there to." His eyes are glittering with his- according to himself- really good joke. I pull my shoulders up.

"I- I can't…" I stutter.

"Sure you can."

"I… I don't remember her name." I say before I have had the time to stop myself from doing it. "Ple- please- I tried to remember but…"

"Cai." Burt holds up his hands to stop me. "It's okay… What do you think we would do… spank you for not remembering her name?" I shrug. It's happened before, why wouldn't it happen here? "Now…. I've never seen that woman before but I do think she's beautiful and I think she looks like a Carole don't you?" He looks questioning at me. Carole turns around and when Burt turns to the bench and pull out a bag with bread from a locker she bends down and smiles softly at me.

"Cai… I don't believe in hitting children. I've never hit a child and I'm not going to start it now. You're safe here and none of us would never hurt you. Not me, not Burt, and when Burt's son and his partner come home for Easter neither will them. I promise. And if anyone outside this house ever would hurt you- I want you to tell us so we can deal with it okay?" I nod yes.

"Now… we figured that it would probably be the best option for you if you come with me to my job at the hospital… we got to leave in about…" Carole checked her watch. "… an hour or so… so you just eat your breakfast and change clothes and everything in your own pace." I nod yes again, then sit down by the table to eat my toast.

**Carole POV **

I throw an eye on Cai while she sit in the passenger seat next to me, and feel a frown form between my eyes. Half a piece of toast and one small glass of juice. That was it, all that Cai had eaten before she claimed that she was full. I also had a really strange feeling telling me that it was much for Cai. As if it had been years ago since she would last get the meals she'd need. I am worried that she was suffering from malnutrition. I could draw some blood, but am unsure if she'll let me- or anyone else do it.

"Cai" I begin. She look up at me. "I'm worried that you may have a deficiency of some of the… things **(A/N: Yeah, things! Well… I kinda run out of English) **that the body needs to function correctly. Now so I can know if I'm right, and in that case- what it is you're lacking. I need to do a blood test. I won't do it if you don't want me to, and if you'd feel more comfortable with somebody else doing that they can. But I would think it's the best doing just that so we can see what it is you need."

**Cai Pov **

"Well..." I begin. "Will you like… hold me still so I couldn't run away if I needed to… like if someone would hurt me." Carole scowls, I hear her explain to me that of course no one would do that. That if it makes me feel safer she'll make sure that I during any time can leave the room… Before I have the time to change my mind I hear myself say that she can do the blood test. Pretty sure that I will have the time to change my mind anyways.

And… there I was right. By the time we reach the hospital, I can feel my heart pounding with the blood streaming in my ears. But I don't want to show Carole I'm scared. She had said that drawing blood and do some tests would be the best for me. Maybe- if I show her I'm scared- she'd think that it was just about that I didn't want it. And then what if she was mad at me? What would she do then?

With thoughts spinning in my head, I follow Carole into the hospital. I hear her tell a man something, he nods, and points out to the apartment- Carole turns to me, tell me to follow her, and then to sit on a bunk. I jump up on it, my feet dangling well above the floor.

"Now…" Carole put her equipment on a table, then pulls a stool and the table close to where I sit. I look to the floor. "If you want me to stop or you feel lightheaded or something, just tell me okay?"

"Okay." I say, but I'm not so sure, does she want me to tell her if I don't want her to do this? Why? If I tell her will she be mad? What will she do if she's mad? Hurt me? But she said she wouldn't! But other people have told me they wouldn't and then done it anyway! Is Carole one of them?

I hear Carole telling me what she's about to do, I hear her asking me to pull the sleeve up. She pulls up the glasses she's got hanging in her collar. **(A/N: yeah, yeah, I know Carole doesn't have glasses. But things changes, and glasses are awesome!) **and pull them on. I can see her looking up at me over the frames.

"Cai?" I hear her exclaim. "It's okay, we don't have to do this now if you don't want to." I shake my head.

"J- j- just do it." I stutter. God! Just get it over with.

"You're sure?" I nod. "Okay then." After that I'm not really aware of what she's doing until she pulls out a needle- and it's huge. She pinches me and then sticks the needle into my arm. I can barely feel it, but I know that I don't want this happen. Just as Carole rises her hand to put a vitro to the needle I start pulling away.

"No… no stop, stop, stop, STOP." I am only vaguely aware of the things around me, and the fact that I actually push Carole, gotta get this out, I grab the holder to the needle and have only grabbed it when I hear a shout.

"NO, CAITLIN DON'T" I pull it out. "No." I hear someone, just as blood comes spurting out of the small stick. I grab the band and pull it off, push Carole away once again and then run. I'm not afraid of the needle anymore- I'm afraid of someone catching me.

I just pushed Carole, got blood a bit of everywhere. And I desperately press my palm against the stick to make it stop, as I push a doctor that's trying to catch me. I push my way through a door, find the stairs and run upstairs. Hide- I gotta find somewhere to hide. I push a door to the left open and run into an apartment. I find another door and push it open, then I stop.

There inside a woman is sitting on a bed, holding a baby, the father's leaning over them- oh- out of every apartment there is at this hospital I have to find my way to this.

"HEY." A doctor makes his way towards me. "You can't be here." Before he's reached me I turn around, run out of the apartment and up more stairs. I run up them, two stairs at the time. At last I found a storage room, where I crouch in a corner. Hoping that no one will find me for yet a while.

Or ever- because if someone finds me, will they be mad? Will they hurt me? And if they're going to hurt me… what will they do?

**Well… that's dramatic, if you wonder why it started bleeding so much when she pulled out that needle, it's because the tourniquet was still on and you aren't supposed to have that on when you pull out the needle because then it'll bleed…. A lot. (to anyone who not knows this, I'm studying to a nurse… we only use plastic arms… but well… apparently my Nursing teacher had once forgot the tourniquet) **


	6. Trust

**I am so, so, so, so, so sorry for not updating. These last few weeks have just been crazy. And mum… yep, that you're right about, Cai is really scared. **

**Carole POV **

"Cai?" I checked the lounge, nothing there either, as I kept on running, pressing a paper towards my hand where I'd gotten a cut falling into a table.

"Carole." The ER- resident- Jake Oliver catch up with me. "That girl… Cait or whatever her name was…"

"Yes?"

"She ran out in the stairs, I don't know where she ran after that" It feels like my whole inside gets ice- cold, as I ran away to the phone to start and call out to the rest of the apartments if someone finds her.

**Cai POV **

The room I am hiding in is a storage room, and I have crouched behind a shelf where no one that opens the room can see me- can't find me- I barely dare to think about what they're going to do when they find me.

I hear the door click and light spreads in the room, first when the door opens and then when a lamp in the ceiling is turned on. I crouch and pull myself further into the shadows of shelves, a man- perhaps in his late fifties come into the room, he grabs a few things from a shelf, as he's standing with his back against me when he grabs whatever it is he needs and then he walks out of the room, turning the lights of without seeing me. I breathe out, but then hold my breath again when another man- perhaps in his late teens comes into the room, and before he's even turned the lights on he sees me. He stops and looks me right in the eyes.

"Hey!" He exclaims, and comes further into the room towards me, he kneels down on the opposite side of the shelf I am crouching behind, looking through the shelf with needles and gowns. "What's your name?" I keep my mouth shut, the man is staring at me softly with his hazel eyes. "I'm Keith." I keep my mouth shut and keep on glaring at him, he strokes his chin and looks a bit down.

"Hey." He exclaims. "What happened to you?" He stands up and walks around the shelf then kneels down and reaches for my arm.

"DON'T." I pull my arm away from him in the same second as he touches my hand. He puts his palms up in a comforting position. I hear him tell me that it's okay, that he isn't going to hurt me. That everything he wants is to check where all the blood comes from, and see if he can stop it. I just glare up at him and pull away even further. Keith strokes his chin again and looks thoughtful, then he seem to get an idea, he stands up, gets something from a shelf, he opens a box and pulls up a few handkerchiefs and then kneel down again.

"Can you wipe away that blood with these?" He reaches me the handkerchiefs, I nod and lay a few of them on the floor next to me while using one to wipe the blood from my arm, all the while keeping an eye on Keith and getting ready to push him away and run if he tries to do something. Keith stands up again and pulls out plasters from another box and reached it to me without a word.

"Can you tell me your name?" Keith asks, I hesitate, and am just on my way to answer- when the door opens and light yet again spreads in the room. "Cai" I hear a woman's voice say- I recognize it as Carole's. "Caitlin… it's okay. I am not mad at you… Keith?" The young man stands up- says something I cannot hear, raises his hand in a wave to me- then leaves the room. Carole kneels down in front of me, I can spot a scratch on her forehead- and it definitely wasn't there before- Did I cause that?

"Cai… it's okay. I am not mad at you and even if I was I would never hurt you." Her eyes are calm, kind. They're so unlike Toby's, so unlike any eyes I have ever seen before. That should be good shouldn't it? To be honest- I'm not so sure, I must have lived with at least twenty different foster- families and parents since I was born. Every time I trusted one too much I was put in trouble- I trusted Toby- I trusted the Paulson- family, the Riley's. The list of everyone I've lived with I can make very long. I always trusted them too early, and then they used it against me. I am not going to let that happen again.

"Cai?" Carole's voice bring me back to reality. "You don't have to be afraid sweetie…. I am not going to hurt you… honest!" I don't move. Trust her? No! Don't trust her! I want to believe what she's telling me. Want to believe that she wouldn't hurt me, but how could I? How could I believe her words when it's the same words Toby told me? When it's the same words as all those lies!

I pull myself further into the shadows of the shelves, Carole frowns, then she pulls out a wallet of her pocket, she opens it and pulls out a folded paper, she reaches it to me unfolded and I can see it's of herself and a tall boy I don't know who it is. They're both smiling towards the camera, and he's got his arm around her shoulders.

"That's my son- Finn." Carole say. "He…. You know, his dad died when he was three so I had to raise him by myself. He had… loads of pranks and mischiefs going on, ninety nine percent of the time until he was a teenager. There was nothing he wouldn't try just because I told him not to. But still I never did as much as lay a finger on him to hurt. And if I didn't do that with Finn during the nineteen years he…" Carole's voice breaks and as she looks down I can see tears dripping down onto the floor from her cheeks, I want to say something, but what is there to say that won't make it worse? Carole takes a deep breath and then continues.

"During the nineteen years he lived. Do you think I would do that to you?" I hesitate for a couple of seconds. No? Yes? What would be the right answer? Is she going to punish me if I say it wrong? She says she won't hurt me but is she really meaning it? Or is she another of those who say it and then does it anyway?

Salt tears are slowly streaming down Carole's cheeks, as I can see she's trying to put herself together again. I don't want to see her crying- but I don't want to do anything and then get punished for doing it wrong. Slowly I pull myself closer to her and raise my hand towards her cheek. Barely even touching her I stroke away a tear and then sit down on my knees again.

"I don't know." I answer her question at last. "I hope not." Carole smiles softly at me again and stroke away the last couple of tears. She frowns, looks thoughtful. I slowly pull myself onto my feet.

"You want to give that blood test another try? Or should we do it another day?" I hesitate again. Then shrug. "We can do it today." I don't know what makes me answer that she can do it today, I don't want to do it. I hope that she wouldn't force me to if I answer her I don't want to do it today. And thoughts about whether I should tell her or not are spinning in my head as I walk downstairs to the ER behind Carole.

"Cai…" Carole begins when I have jumped up on a bunk in the ER, and she has started to pull out new equipment, but she stops and sit down on the bunk next to me. "You don't want to do this do you?" I shrug. I look down at my feet, the old sneakers I've had since I was ten are at least two sizes too small, and they're dirty and ragged, but now they seem to be the most interesting I have ever seen as I don't want to meet Carole's eyes.

"Close your eyes." She tells me, I look up at her. "What for?" She just smiles softly at me and answers that she think she's got a way we can have this over with without me getting too stressed out. I close my eyes.

**Carole POV **

I am afraid this won't work, maybe Cai will think I just want to hurt her if she's closing her eyes- well, well. It's worth a try isn't it, I say, as I sit down on a stool and roll over so I can get the equipment out of a drawer. "Now…" I continue. "Imagine you're on a beach, you can feel the cool sand under your feet, hear the waves, and feel a cool breeze. You feel very relaxed." I put the tourniquet around Caitlin's arm carefully and lift up a needle. Cai doesn't move a muscle. "You breathe in, and feel the smell of salt water, breathe in… breathe out." Cai breathes slowly as I keep on talking to her and then stick the needle into her arm. She doesn't move a muscle, and I keep on talking about the beach as I draw blood in two vitros, and then pull out the needle and put a plaster on.

"Now." I say calmly. "Slowly open your eyes, and come back to reality." Cai's eyes flutter open, and she lifts her hand and strokes her eyes.

"Let's do it then." She holds out her arm, I smile and laugh slightly. "Cai." I hold up the vitros. "I just did it." Caitlin looks confused, then shrugs and pull Blaine's hoodie back on. It looks like a dress on her, but as she rolls up her sleeves she can use her hands and it'll keep her warm. I lead her to the lounge and she sits down in the sofa and looks around while I switch to the nurse- clothes. After making sure that Cai is alright there, I walk out to get some work done for today.

I was thinking about taking Cai into town after I'm done working for the day. But when I come into the lounge to dress in my own clothes, I find the young teenager more asleep than awake in the sofa, so I decide that we could better do it tomorrow or maybe in the weekend when I don't work.

**Cai POV **

At almost half past four I walk over the threshold in Burt and Carole's house, I walk through the hallway after Carole and in the kitchen Burt stands with a bag from some sports- store.

"Hey Cai." He greets me. "Just hold on a minute, I had an idea today and I have got something for you." Just as he says it he pulls his leather- belt out the holders in his jeans. Oh no! Oh no! They are going to punish me for what I did earlier. I knew I shouldn't have trusted them when they said they wouldn't hurt me. I gasp for air as I feel is at if a cold hand is taking a steady grip of my heart and lungs. I can't breathe.

"Cai?" I can hear Carole's voice- but it seems so distant. "Are you okay sweetie?" I keep on staring at the belt in Burt's hands. The whole room is spinning and I lay a hand on the table for support.

"The belt." I hear Carole's voice again but it's even more distant this time. "Burt! The belt." That's the last thing I know happens before everything turns black and I feel myself falling, and let myself fall into a darkness without pain.

**So… that's it. And I don't think I'm gonna have another chapter up for a while so to all of my dear readers a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Or as we say it in Swedish, God jul och gott nytt år. **


	7. Damaged

The first thing I'm aware of after everything went black is that someone is dabbing my forehead with what feels like a wet cloth. I lift my hand and try to push it away, as I lift the other hand and put it to my head. I have a headache that sure wasn't there before and feeling on the back of my head I can feel a lump. Did I hit my head?

"Cai." I hear a calm, comforting voice. "Sweetie can you open your eyes and wake up for me?" I start to open my eyes and lower my hand a bit to rub my eyes.

"Wha' happened?" I mumble. Even though fragments of what did are starting to come back. I and Carole came home- Burt was in the kitchen, he had a belt- a belt! My protect- instincts set in and shoot up in sitting position.

"Sch, sch." Carole holds up her hands. "It's okay, but I need you to lay down again okay?" I hesitate- then slowly let myself fall into the cushions of the sofa, but still tense and ready to jump away and run if I have to. "You fainted and blacked out for a moment. You hit your head so I'm just going to feel the back of your head and check if I can feel any lumps or something okay? You can tell me whenever you want me to stop." I hold my breath as Carole slowly moves her hand towards my head and then feels the back of it. She stops at a sore point as I wasn't ready I flinch.

"It hurts here?" I shrug. "You've got a lump here, do you feel nauseas? Dizzy?" I shake my head at her questions. "Well… you tell me if you start feeling lightheaded or nauseas." I hesitate- then nod slightly, as she leans back again- away from me. Burt's sitting on the coffee table- a good bit away from me, as I slowly pull myself up in sitting position and push myself as far up in the corner of the sofa as possible.

Burt reaches for something behind him. He pulls up the belt he was earlier holding onto as well. Just holding onto it. Oh no- is it now he's going to hurt me? Is it now I'll have proven that no one- no matter what they say can be trusted? I am not aware of the fact that I have started hyperventilating before Carole tells me to calm down. 

"P- p- please don't h-h-hurt me." I beg. "Please don't hurt me." I push myself as high as possible towards the edge of the sofa. Burt at last pulls the belt into a double ring and then lay it in the sofa, just after he silently sits down on the coffee table again.

"Cai!" He begins calmly after a few seconds. "I'm not going to hurt you. Neither is Carole it doesn't matter what you've done. Please just trust me- we don't believe in hitting children. We haven't done it yet and we're not starting now- or ever." I hesitate for a moment, then I slowly answer him.

"That's what they said…" I don't know what makes me say it- but I know it's the truth.

"Said what?" They are frowning.

"That they weren't going to hurt me."

"Who did?"

"They all did."

**Burt POV **

I have left Cai and Carole in the living room. I sit in the kitchen with Cai's papers in front of me. Also a laptop turned on and waiting for Kurt to log in on Skype. Reading through the papers telling me what happened before Cai disappeared is causing a growing lump in my throat. How anyone would do this at all is for me a question, let alone to a child.

Eventually I hear the laptop beep and press up the window to video- chat with Kurt. He greets me, the same does Blaine who's sitting next to him. I force a smile and greet them- but Kurt can see there's something, I end up telling him that I and Carole have now fostered a girl. Kurt first smiles and seems happy but the look on my face tells him everything.

"Dad? Is there something wrong?" He asks worriedly, and I can see the both young men are worried. I stroke my forehead, and brainstorm over things to tell them. I tell them I'll let them see themselves stand up and go out in the living room.

"Cai? Can you come with me?" I ask, she hesitates- Carole says something to her I cannot hear what. Then she stands up and slowly walks after me into the kitchen. I show to her to come and sit down next to me on the kitchen sofa and she does as she's told. Though I can see she's still tensed and pulling away from me as far as possible. Cai looks nervously at the two boys on the screen of my laptop, no one says a word until I speak up.

"Kurt, Blaine. This is our foster child- Her name is Caitlin, but as long as she haven't done anything she shouldn't we just call her Cai- Cai this is my son Kurt and his boyfriend Blaine." I silent, and that makes room for the others to speak up but instead it goes all silent. Cai looks from Kurt, to Blaine, to Kurt again, then back to Blaine and then to the floor.

"Is that my T- shirt?" Blaine asks- I'd guess mostly to have something to say or something like that. Cai looks up nervously, looks to Blaine, looks to me at the same time as she tries to stutter an apology to Blaine- that none of us are able to understand.

"CAITLIN!" Blaine shouts eventually, Cai stops- and looks to the screen. "It's alright." Blaine continues. "You can use that all you want. I'm in New York so there's no way I'll use them anyway. I wouldn't have said that if I'd known you'd think I'm mad at you." Cai nods and sits down next to me. I calmly tell her to go back into the living room to Carole. She stands up and I watch her walk out of the room and close the door behind her before looking back to the screen.

"So… what do we know about her?" Kurt asks. I brainstorm for things I can tell him and things I can't. At last I realize that Kurt is as good as Cai's brother for the moment so I decide to tell him the truth. Not the whole truth but- enough to give him a picture of what's going on.

"Cai was left as a baby. For the first ten years of her life she…"

"First ten years? How old is she?" Blaine looks confused- I know that by the look of Cai it's easy to think she's a lot younger than what she really is. I put my hands together and lean my elbows towards the table.

"She's thirteen." I answer him and I see both of the boys frown.

"She's so tiny." Kurt almost whispers and I can just barely hear it. I nod and try to come up with what to answer him. He's right I know- But I can't just tell him that.

"Yeah she is." I answer at last. "As I was starting to say. For the first ten years in her life she was sent from one foster- home to another. Three and a half years ago she ran away from her current foster home and after that she disappeared. We don't know what's happened since then but according to Ellie she's showing clear signs of having been severely abused and raped." I took a deep breath. "She came running into a gas station early yesterday morning- she was put here as an emergency foster home and that's kind of everything I want to tell you before you get here."

Even on the laptop screen I can see that Kurt has tears in his eyes. Blaine seems to be close to crying as well as he's leaning his chin in his hand. I sigh not knowing what to say. "I can tell you guys." I say at last. "She's very… damaged. But I and Carole are doing our very best to make it as good as possible for Cai." The boys nod. I shove my hands in my pockets and lean towards the back of the sofa.

"You know guys. When you come here you need to remember to be careful when around Cai. Just a while ago she panicked so she blacked out when I was holding onto a belt. She was sure she'd done something wrong and I was going to hurt her." Kurt bit his lip. "So… when you meet Cai- please be careful okay?"

I say goodbye to the boys, then shut off the laptop and keeps on reading Cai's files from the social services. It ain't getting any better I can tell. And when Carole walks through the door with astern expression I know it won't just now either.

"My friend Morgan from the hospital lab called me. They've done some tests with the blood I draw from Cai." She sits down on the opposite side of the table from me and reach for the papers I've already read through. "It confirmed that she's allergic to eggs- but she doesn't seem to be allergic to anything else. She's also… suffering from malnutrition… with most vitamins, and almost every kind of nutrition the body needs to function." I stroke my chin- with every minute that passes- this just seems to get worse- Carole leans over the table and takes my hand. "But she is here now. We can make it better."

**Carole POV **

A while later I and Burt walk into the living room. Burt has been to some sports' store during the day and is carrying the bag from there. He sits down next to Cai, she pulls away but he doesn't really seem to care. He does I know- but he isn't sure how to do this. Burt pulls up a wetsuit of it, Cai looks confused and I do believe I do the same.

"Now." Burt begins. "I know you don't like showering and… thinking of other things I have an idea of why that might be. But… these are pretty good. Because you can shower with them on the whole time but still get clean. You want to try it?" Cai looks up at Burt. "We don't have to do this now if you don't want to. But it'll be worth a try will it."

"I don't want to." Cai answers after several seconds of silence. Burt just shrugs.

"Then we don't do it now. This won't go anywhere." He walks upstairs, I and Cai are left in the living room and as I move towards the kitchen to make dinner- I can feel Cai's eyes on my every move- ready to jump away and run if I try to hurt her. I look to her- I try to smile but feel tears burn behind my eyes.

Oh my Lord- I think. What has someone done to you to damage you like this- and what do we do to fix it?

Cai comes with me to work also the next day. I leave her in the lounge and then walk out of there after making sure she's good. I'm dealing with a patient when I hear a high pitched scream from the other side of the ER. And it's obvious that it's Cai's voice as after the wordless scream four words come- and I've never heard anyone shout like that before.

"LET GO OFF ME!"

**Anyone just want to hug Cai and fix everything that's been so damaged? Yeah me too. **


End file.
